Pride Goes Before the Apprentice
by Piceron
Summary: What was the story on the incident that made Wynne the woman she became? Here is the tale of Wynne and Aneirin at the Circle Tower years before. Prequel to Wynne's Regret quest in game.
1. Beginning

_A.N.: I owe a debt of gratitude to Ladyamesindy who helped me kick aside that huge writer's block that had developed with this story. Thanks so much, my friend. _

_Thanks also to Melismo for the beta reading and also to Bioware for making it possible for us to play with these characters. They own everything here._

* * *

_Looking back, the first time I laid eyes on Aneirin, he barely made an impression. _

I was close to my Harrowing and my attention was taken up with preparing for the ordeal. As a senior apprentice, I was given some latitude in attending classes. That day, I had managed to sneak a book out of the library; it was _Aeridell's Book of the Elements._ I was trying to take advantage of any edge I could find and was studying up on spells from the primal school of magic. The creation school with emphasis on healing magic was my strength, and I was a little worried about what exactly the Harrowing entailed. I was confident though that whatever it involved, I would prevail.

I was lying on my bunk in the apprentice quarters when I heard the sound of approaching feet. I quickly shoved the book under my blanket as the door flew open. In came Enchanter Daphne followed by an elven child I estimated to be somewhere around 11 or 12. My first impression was a scrawny, red-headed boy with that wild look in his eyes that so many of the elves had when they arrive at the tower. I think it must have something to do with the fact that the templars are usually the first humans they ever have close dealings with. Templars are never warm and fuzzy to begin with, so I imagine to an elven child they were terrifying.

"Here are the apprentice quarters," Enchanter Daphne was saying. "You will live here with your fellow apprentices until you earn your right to be a mage of the Circle. You will be expected to study hard, work harder, and to keep out of trouble."

I rolled to the back of my bunk hoping the enchanter wouldn't see me. She reached out and took the boy by the arm. She pulled him along behind her down another row or two and then presented him with an empty bunk.

"Here, this is your bed," she told the boy. "I will take you to get linen and then you will be expected to come back and make it up. The apprentices will be back from classes in late afternoon. You will join them for dinner and then everyone will be dismissed back here for the night. Now, come with me."

Once the two of them had exited out of the room, I dug the book back out from under the blanket and resumed my study. When the boy returned, I didn't pay him any mind, and he didn't disturb me.

_Shortly after this, I had my Harrowing and became a full mage of the Circle. I left the apprentice quarters behind and moved upstairs. _

* * *

_I had been a full mage for four years and just earned my enchanter rank the next time I encountered Aneirin. _

I was in my quarters after a long day spent in the greenhouse behind the tower. It had been my turn to attend to all the plants, and I was tired. I had spent a large part of the morning hauling water and then I had a large batch of elf root cuttings that I had potted in the afternoon. I was looking forward to a bath and then a hot meal before diving into my bed. As I was just gathering my things for my bath, I heard a knock on the door. It was an apprentice with a message from Enchanter Irving stating he wished to see me. I groaned inwardly. I really wanted to put it off until tomorrow. However, the gossip in the tower was that Irving would be made a senior enchanter any time now. I figured I had better not delay and go see what he wanted. After a quick glance into my small looking glass to make sure I didn't have any of the potting soil on my face or robes, I left my room and headed for Irving's office.

His door was open when I approached. He looked up when he heard my footsteps on the stone floor of the tower's hallway.

"Ah, Wynne," he said as he rose from his chair behind his desk and came around it to take my hand in greeting. Irving was always a gentleman. "Sit down," he offered as he shut his office door before moving back behind his desk.

"Hello, Irving," I said politely as I took the seat he indicated.

Once he had settled in his chair, he leaned back and gazed at me as if he were measuring me. His fingers were ruffling a file in front of him. I knew it must have been mine. From my time teaching, I was aware of the fact that every mage had a file that contained information on them from the time they first came to the tower. Everything from impressions by the templars who brought the mage here, teachers, mentors, anyone or anything that had any bearing on a mage and his or her magic was noted and kept in the file and available for reference as the First Enchanter saw fit. Irving had my whole past lying on his desk.

I wondered what this was about and why he had my file, but I continued to meet his look calmly. I had nothing to fear from my past. Finally, I broke the silence. "What did you need from me?" I asked him.

He was quiet for a moment more before he began to speak. "From what I read, it was apparent from when you first came to the tower that you were one of the most promising students that had arrived here in a long time, and you have continued to excel in your magical studies. Your control is excellent, and your knowledge of healing is unsurpassed by any mage of your rank in the Circle. However, your interpersonal skills are sorely lacking. You are brusque with the apprentices in the classes that you teach. You brush off and ignore any mage you consider beneath your ability. To take your place and become a valued member of the Circle, you must learn how to share your knowledge and help others develop their own abilities. You have the potential to be a great mage, Wynne, but you must learn how to encourage as well as criticize."

I struggled to keep my face impassive. I didn't understand where this was coming from. I performed all my duties well. I even taught more sessions of what we instructors jokingly called "Magic 101" than anyone else. My students all passed their initial tests and moved on rapidly, unlike some of the other teachers I could think of. I didn't complain about the extra work involved in pushing those apprentices through that were lackadaisical in their studies either. I was insulted that Irving thought my "interpersonal skills were lacking." My time was precious, and I needed to spend it as profitably as I could. Just because I wasn't friends with every mage in the Circle didn't mean anything was wrong with me. Some people just weren't worth the effort it would take to draw them out.

"I'm assigning you an apprentice. You will be in charge of his daily schedule. As it happens, Aneirin seems to be especially strong in healing magic. I want you to nurture that in him. He has been here for about four years now, but he still seems like an outsider. He is aloof from the other apprentices and I suspect at times is bullied by some of those older and larger. Your job is not only to nurture his magic abilities, but to help Aneirin fit in here at the tower."

I looked at Irving in disbelief. This would take up even more of my time, leaving less for my personal studies. Why was Irving doing this? How could I take on the responsibility for an apprentice and pursue my studies into the spirits of the Fade? This was so not fair. There were plenty of other healers at the tower that I was sure would be happy to help Aneirin. "Irving, I must protest," I finally said. "Why not have Enchanter Penelope or one of the other mages who normally oversee the older apprentices take on Aneirin? I really would prefer to spend my time continuing on with my research."

"This is not optional, Wynne," Irving replied. "Starting tomorrow, you will be responsible for Aneirin. Your disdain is the very reason I'm making this assignment."

"Irving, I really don't understand why you are doing this to me," I said helplessly. I knew enough about tower politics to know that if Irving said this was going to happen, then it was going to happen.

"I know you don't," he replied, gently now. "It's my hope that someday you will. I expect you to learn as much from Aneirin as he does from you. I'll make sure he reports to you first thing tomorrow. Good luck, Wynne," Irving said in obvious dismissal.

What was he talking about? What could I learn from a lowly apprentice?


	2. Failure

The next morning, I was running a tad late for the first class that I was to teach. I was planning on grabbing something from the dining hall and taking it with me so I could at least have some sort of breakfast. Blast Irving. I had lain awake half the night trying to find a way around this apprentice complication and also to try and figure out exactly what he expected. Unfortunately, I hadn't come up with any brilliant ideas to circumvent the situation, and I still had no real clue what he was hoping the results would be besides the obvious one of Aneirin doing well.

As I exited my room, I almost fell over a small figure that was sleeping in the hallway, propped up against the wall beside my door. As I looked down at him, I noticed the red hair and the pointed ears. I muttered to myself, but resignedly called his name. "Aneirin, wake up," I said softly so as to not startle him. As the boy's eyes opened, I saw a fleeting expression that I thought was fear. Whatever it was, it vanished with his first eye blink. "What are you doing here?" I asked him.

Aneirin stood up and hung his head. "I was told to report to you first thing today. They didn't give me a time. I didn't mean to fall asleep."

I juggled the books I had in my arms while closing the door. "How long have you been here?" I asked.

He just shrugged his shoulders while still staring at the floor of the hallway.

"Well, I don't expect to find you outside my door every morning," I said slightly disapprovingly. "I want you to go to the dining hall and pick up a couple of breakfast rolls for me and then come to my office. Do you know where that is?"

"Yes, Mistress," he said.

"It's just Wynne, Aneirin, or Enchanter Wynne if you are feeling especially formal."

"Yes, Enchanter Wynne," he replied.

"Go on now. I'll see you at the office."

He scampered off down the hall. A thought entered my head and I called down the passageway, "Make sure you get some breakfast for yourself, Aneirin."

He turned around, acknowledged me with a nod, and then was gone. As I made the walk to my office bypassing the hall to the dining room, I thought maybe having an apprentice wouldn't turn out to be too bad after all. When I arrived to what could only in the most optimistic sense be called my office (as it was so small and only held my desk and a chair for a visiting student), I discovered a report with Aenirin's records and a note from Irving on my desk. As I set my books down, I picked up the note. It seems he had one of the other instructors filling in for my morning classes so I could spend the time getting acquainted with Aneirin and setting his new schedule.

I sat down at my desk and started looking through the information that Irving had left for me. As I flipped through reports from instructors, notes that were obviously made by Irving, and various test results, I became a little concerned. The boy tested high for magic potential, but seemed to have very little drive to harness his talent. He was reported as having only mastered a few spells, Heal and Rejuvenate among them. He had no aptitude towards entropic spells (well neither did I, honestly). What worried me, however, were the personal comments about him, things like withdrawn, hostile, aloof from others, and taciturn. This is what Irving expected me to fix? How was I supposed to do that?

I was still mulling over possibilities for Aneirin when he knocked on the door to my office. "Come in," I called lightly. He entered and handed me two crisp breakfast rolls. "Thank you for bringing these," I said.

The boy just nodded.

"Sit down, Aneirin," I requested. "I want to talk to you."

He slipped into the chair, but didn't make eye contact with me.

"Did you have something to eat?" I asked him as I started on my food.

Again, he just nodded. Hum, this was going to be harder than I thought. I chewed in silence for a bit thinking. Irving wanted the boy to fit in and function well in the tower. If I could get Aneirin to that point, then maybe Irving would be willing to allow me to pass him onto another mentor. I let my eyes rest on Aneirin once again. He seemed a quiet, almost sullen sort. His red hair had grown longer and he had it braided back. He had a few eruptions of pimples on his face, but that was normal for his age. At least he looked to be a neat and tidy sort of individual. I knew there were some apprentices that had to be ordered to the baths. His robes were fairly clean, as well as his hands. He just wouldn't look at me. He continued to stare down at the floor in front of my desk as if he was waiting for me to pronounce sentence on him. I had found that a brisk, firm, but fair attitude went a long way when teaching classes. Surely, it would work in this situation as well. My course decided, I broke the silence between us.

"So, Aneirin, are you happy here at the mage tower?" I asked. I could tell my question surprised him because his eyes darted to my face before dropping again.

"It's okay," he finally said.

I waited to see if he would say anything else, but that seemed to be all he wanted to communicate. I'd have to try again. "What do you like here at the tower?"

After another long pause, he simply said, "The food."

As a child who had grown up never having enough to eat, I imagine arriving at the tower and finding food available every day in plentiful supply might be considered something of a dream. But again, this gets me no closer to getting useful information out of the boy. "What do you like about your studies?"

Finally, I saw something like a real response from Aneirin. He actually looked at me as if he was considering whether I really wanted to know and if he should chance telling me. I tried to keep an even, pleasant expression of waiting on my face. "Mixing potions."

Ah ha. Finally, something I could work with, along with the added benefit it was something I was good at. I proceeded to explain to him the schedule I had in mind for him. He would attend classes every weekday morning, but ones that I felt he should take. He would spend two hours every afternoon working with me. I was determined I would have the young man whipped into shape in no time and then I would be free to return to my own studies.

* * *

The next few months seemed to fly by as Aneirin and I soon fell into a routine. Unfortunately, I couldn't report any astounding progress. I had been so certain that with just a little effort I could have Aneirin on the right track. I was wrong. I had spent the first month pushing him to work harder and harder, but that just seemed to make it worse. His magic skills actually seemed to get worse (if that was possible). So, I changed tactics; I switched to being more of the encouraging older sister. That seemed to be more productive for a little while as he actually learned a glyph spell, but he soon slipped back into his old habits. What Aneirin did was put on the appearance of listening, but he actually spent most of the time he was supposed to be learning daydreaming. He seemed to have such terrible mood swings. Some days I felt that I was really reaching him as we worked together, and other days he would be sullen and aloof. Aneirin rarely talked voluntarily. I had to be very specific and persistent to get any information out of him, and he did the minimum of the work assigned to him. The only way he did any more was if I continually nagged at him. I found that fact extremely annoying. I had always been a self-starter, and as much as I hated to admit it, I was baffled by how to handle Aneirin.

The one positive thing I did discover about Aneirin during that time was he really enjoyed working in the greenhouse. Most of the apprentices' access to the greenhouse was severely limited and supervised as we didn't want priceless plants ruined by the careless antics of the younger members of the tower. Since I was one of the mages responsible for overseeing the running of the nursery, Aneirin had more access than most, and he loved every minute we spent there. I must admit I greatly enjoyed sharing my love of growing things with him. He paid much more attention to my lectures on plants and their uses than he ever did on those dealing with spell work.

Through our time and conversations in the greenhouse, I came to realize that Aneirin had a fascination for the Dalish elves. They were the one topic he would talk about incessantly. He had read all the information available on the them in the library and had quickly picked my brain for what little I knew of the reclusive clans. I suspected from what information Aneirin did let drop that many of his daydreams included escaping the tower and finding one of the reclusive bands of the Dalish.

* * *

One night, about nine months after Aneirin and I had begun working together, I arrived back at my room and was planning on an evening of research. These days, with as busy as my schedule was, the time I had to actually work on my own studies was severely limited. I found this situation extremely frustrating, but there was nothing I could do about it until Irving decided to release me from my duties with Aneirin.

The past few weeks had been worse than usual. Aneirin was withdrawn even when we were working in the greenhouse. I tried repeatedly to reach him and find out if something was bothering him, but to no avail. I was worried about him. He seemed even more isolated than before. Aneirin seemed to have no friends and made no effort to join the other apprentices in their leisure time activities. He seemed perfectly happy to be by himself; in fact, he seemed to prefer it. I had never met such a self-contained person, and I was at a loss as to how to really connect with him.

As I started assembling my various materials I would need for my planned evening of study, I realized I had left my most recent notes at the greenhouse this afternoon. Aneirin had been unusually taciturn and withdrawn that day. I had given him the chore of seeding some of the herbs that would eventually be transplanted to the gardens when the weather improved later in the spring. We not only grew plants used in our magical work, but we also grew some of our own food. We didn't actually farm, per se, but we did grow some of the special herbs that made meals at the tower a cut above the normal bland Ferelden fare found elsewhere. I was working in a separate section on another task, and when I returned to check on Aneirin's progress just before we were due to leave, I found he had only completed about half of what I had expected. In exasperation, I had pitched in and helped him finish the planting. Of course, this made me late for the last class of the day I was to teach back in the tower, and in my rush to leave, I had left my notes behind. Muttering to myself the whole way, I trudged wearily back to the greenhouse to fetch them.

_At the time, I blamed my tiredness for what happened that night. Over the ensuing years, I came to realize that it was simply my own self-centeredness coming into play. I was frustrated with having to deal with Aneirin when all I wanted to do was continue my research. I acted the part of a spoiled child that night, but another paid the price for my behavior._

When I arrived at the greenhouse, I was surprised to find the door unlocked. I knew I had locked it before leaving today and any of the others who had access should have done the same. _How careless!_ I thought to myself as I knew I would never do such a thing.

By the light of the single candle I carried, I entered. The nursery seemed different than it did during the day. There was almost a malevolent feeling as the flame from my candle flickered and danced, highlighting various plants and then throwing them back into darkness. I pushed such fanciful thoughts from my mind as I moved towards the back of the large open area to the table where I had left my notes.

I almost dropped my candle when I jumped as a shadowed form rose up before me.

"Wynne?" came a tentative voice that I recognized as Aneirin's.

"Aneirin!" I retorted, sharper than I meant to. "What are you doing here? You know the greenhouse is off limits to apprentices."

"You're here," he said.

"Now I am. How did you get in here anyway?" I asked suspiciously.

Aneirin dropped his head. "I-I picked the lock," he admitted.

"Aneirin! I can't believe you would do that! What are you doing in here anyway?" I asked, looking around suspiciously.

He seemed to withdraw into himself even more. "I was reading," he said quietly.

'Where?" I asked.

He pointed under the table, and I saw he had been sitting in a spot on the floor underneath the table with a stub of a candle (now blown out) and a book lying on the floor. I picked up the book and looked at it. It was another book on the Dalish.

"Aneirin! Why aren't you studying some of your lesson material? You know you have examinations coming up in Enchanter Penelope's class and that pathetic attempt at a Rejuvenate spell earlier today could certainly use some work as well. Why are you sitting in here wasting time on the _DALISH_ when there are other subjects that need your attention. You will never fit in here if you don't at least try to master your magic!" I said my voice rising with each sentence. "It is so frustrating to try and try to help you when you won't help yourself!" I finished by slamming the book down on the table. The sharp crack of it hitting the surface brought me back to myself, but it was too late.

I finally had a reaction from Aneirin. Unfortunately, it wasn't one I was trying to get. I'll never forget the stricken look on his face as he turned and fled from the room. I chased after him, calling to him, but he was too fast and well outstripped me even before I made it to the tower. I knew I would never catch him. I stood at the entrance to the tower with the rising wind blowing through my hair and a feeling I had never truly felt before: Failure.


	3. Remorse

_A.N.: Thanks to Erynnar for keeping me straight and whose words led to a small change in the first chapter and Lady Amesindy for "de-hadification.". _

* * *

I didn't begin to wonder where Aneirin was the next day until he was over an hour late. He had occasionally been delayed in the morning, but always eventually come strolling in. Last night after going back and securing the greenhouse, I had spent some time searching the tower for Aneirin, but I wasn't able to find him. This morning, I went through the stages of exasperation, anger, and finally worry. After two hours passed with no Aneirin, I started looking for him once again. I checked the apprentice's dormitory, the greenhouse, the Chantry, the Great Hall, the kitchens, and even the library with no Aneirin to be found. I questioned those I met, but no one remembered seeing him that day. By late afternoon, I was worried enough to go see Senior Enchanter Irving.

Of course, my interview with Irving didn't go well. I was feeling guilty over the scene between Aneirin and me the night before, but I didn't mention it to him then. When he insisted on informing both the First Enchanter and the Knight Commander, my heart sank. I just knew this wouldn't end well. As I left Irving's office with him (Irving was headed up to the First Enchanter's office), I pleaded with him to keep me informed of what was happening with Aneirin. I was afraid deep inside myself that whatever Aneirin was doing had been precipitated by my words to him last evening.

I went to dinner in the mess hall with the other mages, but was unable to eat anything. My stomach was in knots with worry over my missing apprentice. After supper, I went back to my room, but was unable to concentrate on any of my own work. I just kept pacing the room. Finally, later in the evening, I went looking for Irving. I found him in the most unlikely of places, in the Chantry. He was just sitting on one of the benches. He didn't look to be praying, but just seemed to be minding his own thoughts.

"Senior Enchanter?" I called hesitantly. I didn't want to disturb him if he was truly seeking the Maker's guidance.

He turned his head to me. "Wynne, sit, my dear," he said indicating the bench beside him.

"Any word?" I asked.

He let out a breath. "The templars did a full search of the tower and all the surrounding buildings. They couldn't find him. The Knight Commander requested that his phylactery be retrieved and a hunt started."

"Oh no!" I breathed, horrified at the thought. "They will kill him if they catch him! He's just a boy!"

"The First Enchanter was able to get the Knight Commander to agree to wait until tomorrow morning. If he isn't back by then…well, you know."

"Irving, I'm sorry I didn't tell you this morning, but Aneirin and I had a rather unpleasant confrontation last night."

"Oh, what was this about?" he asked.

"I found him in the greenhouse last night," I admitted. "I asked him how he had gotten in, and he told me he had picked the lock. That's what started to make me angry. Then, when I found out he was reading a book on the Dalish versus working on his studies, I really lost my temper. I don't even remember what I said to him, something about how frustrating it was to work with someone who wouldn't help himself. Anyway, he ran out and I couldn't catch him. That's the last time I saw him."

"Hum," said Irving. "Given what I found out today from questioning the other apprentices, that is troubling."

"What?" I asked. "What did you learn?"

"At first, nothing," he said. "None of them would say anything until finally one admitted that Aneirin had been having trouble with some of the other apprentices, Baird and his group. Evidently, they had been harassing Aneirin, and it seems to have now moved beyond simple verbal teasing and into more physical confrontations."

"Oh no! I asked him over and over if anything was bothering him, and he always told me no. Why didn't he just tell me what was going on?" I asked helplessly.

Irving shook his head. "Some people just have a hard time trusting, Wynne. I think Aneirin is one of those. I don't know what happened to him before he arrived here at the tower, but whatever it was, it must have scarred him deeply."

We sat there in silence for awhile and then Irving said, "Don't blame yourself for losing your temper. I know you tried to help him. I should have been monitoring the situation closer myself. If I had paid more attention to the apprentices, perhaps I would have realized what was going on before now."

I looked down at my hands. "Thank you," I said, but I knew I could have tried harder to make a connection with Aneirin.

Irving looked at me and sighed. "I have to go, Wynne. I'll try and talk to the Knight Commander before he sends the templars out. I'll explain the situation and maybe they can just track the boy and bring him back. He hasn't actually done anything to be branded a maleficar."

I just shook my head as tears came to my eyes. Knight Commander Doughal wasn't known as a kind or sympathetic man towards magic users. He ruled his templars with an iron fist and expected obedience from the mages. I didn't hold out much hope for mercy for Aneirin from such a man.

Irving rose and lightly patted my shoulder. "Get some sleep, Wynne. Hopefully, Aneirin will be back in the morning, and this all will be over."

I nodded but continued to sit on the chantry bench just staring at the statue of Andraste. I figured it couldn't hurt, and even though I certainly wasn't a devotee, I fired off a prayer to her. Perhaps she could watch over Aneirin when others couldn't. I don't know how long I sat thinking about that final confrontation with Aneirin before dragging myself off to my bed. My sleep that night was troubled and certainly not restful.

The next morning, Aneirin still wasn't back. I spent most of the time before breakfast haunting the lower floor of the tower. Finally, I saw three templars all in their full armor carrying packs exit the tower. My heart sank as I knew these men had been sent out after Aneirin and without a doubt carried his phylactery with them.

* * *

The next few weeks passed slowly for me. With Aneirin gone, I once again had time for my own studies. Somehow they didn't seem as important as they once had. I mostly drifted through my duties watching for the three templars to return, with or without Aneirin. Weeks turned into months and I found the tower very quiet. I had started back into my analysis on spirits of the Fade, but was addressing it in only the most desultory manner. I was just marking time until I could find out what had happened to Aneirin.

One day, almost three months since Aneirin had fled, I was in the halls between classes when Enchanter Penelope asked me if I had heard the news. When I asked her what news, she said she'd heard the templars who went after my apprentice were back. I just stared at her in shock for a moment and then I took off running. I forced myself to slow down, but headed for Knight Commander Doughal's office as fast as I could. I knew the returning templars would go there first to report what had happened to him. When I arrived outside his office, his door was closed, but I didn't see anyone around. I went past his door and down the hallway to wait. I knew the templars would have to pass me on their way back to their barracks. I tried to control my impatience as I waited.

After what seemed like forever, my vigil was finally rewarded. I heard the door to the Knight Commander's office open and then male voices heading in my direction. When they drew close to me, I stepped into their path. "Please, sers, can you tell me what became of the apprentice you were after?"

The templars stopped talking when they saw me. The one in the lead roughly pushed me aside. "Out of the way, mage!" he said gruffly.

"Please, please, tell me," I begged almost in tears, but my pleas fell on deaf ears. The templars kept on moving, ignoring me. I stood there for a few minutes once they were gone trying to figure out how I could find out what had happened to Aneirin. I realized my sole hope was Irving. He was the only one that would tell me, if he was even told himself.

I had one more class I was scheduled to teach that day. I decided that afterwards I would find Irving; teaching the class should allow time for news about Aneirin to filter down to him. Hanging onto my hope, I headed back to my classroom fruitlessly searching the hallways on my way for a familiar red-headed elf. I'm not sure how much knowledge I imparted to my students that day as my mind was concentrated so firmly on finding Irving and discovering what had happened, but once my class was done, I headed directly for Irving's office. His door was open; however, he was not inside. I sat in the chair in front of his desk and proceeded to wait. It was a long one, but I was determined to get some answers. I was just thinking about maybe checking his room when I heard the familiar sound of his footsteps in the hallway. My stomach gave a nervous lurch, but I clamped down firmly on my emotions.

"Wynne! What a surprise," said Irving as he entered his office. He came around behind his desk and sat down heavily. "Although I guess it shouldn't have been, should it?" he asked with a weak smile.

"What's the word, Irving?" I tried to ask calmly, but I was sure he saw right through me.

"I'm so sorry, Wynne," he started and I felt tears start to form.

_Oh no! They've killed him!_

"They won't tell me what happened," said Irving. "I don't know why. They won't tell me that either, neither the Knight Commander nor the First Enchanter," he said in disgust as he leaned back in his chair.

I realized this would be worse torture than if they told us the templars had killed him, to always be wondering and never knowing what had truly happened to Aneirin. I couldn't help but think that Knight Commander Doughal was doing this on purpose just to torment us. There were rumors that he might be retiring soon and a new commander installed. I just hoped for all our sakes the next one was more considerate to the mages whose care he was entrusted with.

"You don't have any idea at all, Irving?"

"No, my dear," he said gently. "All I know is that they returned to the tower without him."

I sank into the chair in despair.

"Aneirin was troubled for a long time. I was hoping you would have been able to reach him, but I know you tried your best to help him. Sometimes it's not easy to see what is happening right under our own noses. I, more so than you, should have been aware of what was going on with Baird and his group of ruffians," he said sorrowfully. "Try not to blame yourself, Wynne," he added kindly.

I thanked him and made my excuses to depart. I needed to be alone. I had a whole boatload of "if only" regrets. If only I had spent more time with Aneirin. If only I had really listened to him. If only I hadn't been so absorbed in my own desires. If only he had told me about his problems with the other apprentices. The list grew exponentially from there.

Once I left Irving's office, the tears flowed freely down my face as I leaned against a wall of the hallway. I made a vow that day that I would never let another _anyone _down as badly as I failed Aneirin. I also made up my mind that someday, some way I would find out what happened to him, and if he was still alive, try to make up for the hurt I caused him.

_In the years after that I had many apprentices in the time before I left the tower to assist with ending the Blight. All of them profited from my mistakes with Aneirin. I never forgot him; however, and I thought about him often, hoping he had somehow found a place among the Dalish he had so admired._

_Many years later, thanks to a couple of Grey Wardens, I finally found Aneirin again._


End file.
